It all started with an apple falling on his head on a lazy afternoon.
As he looked up- the sight took his breath away. Behind him the formidable castle rose like an arrow towards the sky.. and from the lone window high up near the clouds, came down a criss-crossed brown waterfall of fragrant hair- ‘a beautiful princess’s hair,’ he thought.
And while throwing an apple on the head of a prospective lover could hardly be construed as a romantic gesture, he chose to believe that it must be. The princess obviously wanted him to climb up to her using her long hair- why else would one waste a perfectly good apple?
So he huffed and puffed all the way up- not being used to the exertion, being more the contemplative sorts. The moment he reached the window, he was shocked- there was indeed a princess, but she seemed comatose. Kneeling near her tenderly, was a handsome young man with angular features. This man came forward as soon as he saw the apple-guy.. he held his hand out and pulled him up, but in the next instant- took his weapon and pushed him ruthlessly off the window.
With the apple-guy’s weapon in his hand, and a grin on his face, the handsome man sighed, “The things I do for love!”
This remarkable weapon was what he needed to find a way out of this castle. He and his sister (who lay in an induced sleep), had been captured by a witch when they were still children who had lost their way home. The breadcrumbs they had strewn along the way to guide them back home had been picked up by some Crows, who were always paranoid about stacking up on food because their Chief was brought up to believe that winter was coming.
This weapon from the apple-guy, however, was rather marvelous- there was nothing it could not do. It could tell him the time, predict the weather, even pass his time playing, and eventually helped him draw maps of the tunnels within the castle.
The good news was he now knew that he could dig his way out of the castle. The bad news was the weapon, while informative, was tiny when it came to physical use. But it continued to shower pearls of wisdom like, “Time and pressure is all it needs”.
And so the handsome guy worked day and night for years together- eventually managing to drag himself and his sister through a stinky passage of tunnels and drains, the length of a football field, and into freedom.
The magical weapon helped him find the directions back to their childhood home. The home seemed to ring with celebration and music, and going in, he found it was now home to seven dwarves. He got furious and screamed, brandishing his weapon, “I demand trial by combat! This is our house!”
“Calm the F* down,” replied one of the dwarves lazily, “we are all your brothers and sisters too. Though she doesn’t seem to be enjoying the party- “ he said, pointing to the comatose princess. He walked up to where she was lying and put his mouth on hers.
“You disgusting thing! You said you are our brother…”
“No need to thank me…” the dwarf gave a quick bow as the princess revived.
“What’s your name?”
“They call me the imp. I watch over the throne till a befitting ruler comes along. There is the Chief in the capital right now, who had captured the imagination of the people. Everyone joined in the revolution. But ruling- it’s a tricky ball game..”
“Are you talking about the woman they call Khaleesi?”
“Oh man, stop watching TV dramas and start reading the news please.
There is also the one who calls himself ‘true heir’ to the throne- he is after all seven kingdoms. He has a wide and staunch band of supporters.. he could do the job perhaps- but the influence of this red-cult has his army doing weird, often cruel rituals. Many people are a little scared.”
And while our handsome guy was guessing ‘Stannis Baratheon’, he kept quiet because he didn’t want to be reminded to read the papers.
“ I will rule,” spoke their now not-comatose sister- the first words they had heard from her since she came to.
“Like I said, no need to thank me, it was my duty,” said the imp, and turned to our handsome guy, “and her, you must take away to the far land of Oz. Find the wizard there, who can give her a heart that she is surely missing as of now. Or the seasons ahead will be even worse than what’s been so far.”
“Seasons ahead- you mean winter?”
The imp rolled his eyes, “Here’s another one who knows nothing.”